


The Virtue of Compassion and Mutual Need For Survival

by OkeyDokeyLoki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Also demon mpreg but no slash, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crowley is a git, Dark Crack, Dean is upsetti, Demon deal, Handle all his mofuckin sass, Sam will probably need a hug, demon stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 13:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17529695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OkeyDokeyLoki/pseuds/OkeyDokeyLoki
Summary: Crowley shows up on Bobby Singer's doorstep with essentially a time bomb, and Dean and Sam aren't too happy about it, but they gotta help him. Because they really don't want to explode.





	The Virtue of Compassion and Mutual Need For Survival

**Author's Note:**

> This is so goddamn fun to write. Frickin love Crowley

Pointing shotguns packed with rock salt at visitors is hardly productive when one wants to acquire friends.

This, however, thankfully wasn't the Winchester brothers' intention.

"Hello, Crowley," the elder brother, Dean Winchester, drawled.

"Hello, boys," the demon replied, quite amicably.

Said boys glared at Crowley with narrowed eyes, scanning him to search for potential weapons.

He wore an entirely black suit, finely crafted. There didn't seem to be anything wrong at first glance.

"What do you want?" Sam demanded.

"Asylum," he replied, pausing to let it sink in a moment. "There are some rather pressing issues we must discuss away from prying ears."

The guns lowered slightly. "Prying ears?"

"I can't guarantee that no aliens are listening-" he replied, "-and you know demons as well as I do. They're as greedy as they are pathetic."

Sam snorted at the mention of aliens.

Dean kept a hand on his demon blade, and moved aside, while Sam grabbed a spray can to re-complete the circle once Crowley stepped in.

With the circle smudged, the king of Hell crossed the threshold hesitantly.

Dean took a seat on the couch, Sam following suit beside him, shotgun still in hand.

Crowley crossed the room to a lone wooden chair, and paused for a moment, seemingly contemplating something.

Dean frowned, gesturing at the chair in a 'sit your demonic ass down' sort of motion.

Crowley nodded with a strange expression, before grabbing the back of the chair and clasping the other against the underside of what Dean and Sam first noticed to be a rather rounded abdomen.

It had blended in, inside the dark suit at night, but under the lights in Bobby's house, when he bent over, it became obvious.

Dean and Sam exchanged a look.

"Uhh... Crowley?" Sam ventured.

Crowley seated himself with an almost-stifled groan, the chair creaking angrily in protest.

"What? You're acting as though you've never seen a man up the duff before," he quipped.

The brothers stared at him in disbelief.

"Y-you're... you're... pregnant?" Sam spluttered.

"Take a picture, Moose, it'll last longer. Can I trust you not to interrupt me?" He directed at Dean patiently.

The elder brother nodded, speechless.

"Ran into a hell of a witch. She called me, naturally. Was concerned for her unborn child, because she somehow bloody found angel grace, and ingested it, and the baby took it instead. So she summoned me directly, cast a spell, and was murdered a moment later. It wasn't me-" he added upon seeing Sam's bitch face.

"-and as it turned out, she passed the child to me. So now I want to stay here, protected, so that no angels or demons come to smear my innards on the wall like a sodding painting."

"You can't... get rid of it?" Dean asked, bewildered.

"The damned thing's stronger than me. Got pissy when I tried," Crowley responded.

"What do you plan to do with it?" Sam asked.

"Haven't the faintest idea. Would the giraffe know?"

"Would the giraffe know what?" Castiel asked, suddenly existing behind the couch.

"What to do with Crowley's... uh, baby," Dean replied.

Castiel seemed to see Crowley for the first time, tilting his head, eyes narrowed in confusion. "How did this happen."

Dean wanted to laugh at how calm Cas sounded at the situation, but it seemed a bit too hysterical to try at the moment.

"He saw a witch who'd eaten angel sauce when she was pregnant, she gave him the baby and died after, and now he's here," Dean explained in one breath.

Damn. Guess he wasn't handling it well after all.

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed. "The child musn't be harmed. If it were, the Grace would free itself in an explosion of light and heat, similar to that of an atomic bomb. Not quite as much of a radius, but just as much destruction."

Dean and Sam shared a look before turning their eyes back to the demon, who sat patiently, hands folded neatly atop his stomach. They had stopped being truly afraid of demons for a long time, but they looked at him with exasperated terror.

"Well, then, boys. What'll it be?" Crowley spoke easily, seeming to enjoy the power he apparently held over them.

Before Dean could say anything like he looked as though he'd say, Sam stepped in. "We'll help you, on the condition that you behave and don't 'accidentally' fall down the stairs."

"Shall we seal the deal with a kiss, then?" Crowley grinned wolfishly.

"Pucker up, Buttercup," Dean growled, fists clenched and knuckles white. Sam and Castiel held him back from punching Crowley in the teeth.


End file.
